reversal of fortune

Today was going to be a doozy.  It was going to start with a not terribly useful departmental meeting that would involve foregoing bringing in food since after it was over, I would have to walk a long, cold, and slippery outside path back to my office.  This means lightening the load as much as possible, which means not bringing as much food in as I normally would to ensure my calorie count for the day isn’t in the double digits.  Also on deck for today was a root canal.  And I’m in a migraine cycle.  Had two last week, one at work with vertigo and then a few days later one at home with a big fat scintillating scotoma in, of all things, my right eye.  Normally it’s right visual field, left eye.  This time it was right visual field right eye.  Still got a preference for the visual fields it seems, but the change of eyes means it got on top of me before I realized it was coming on.  I seem to have a bit of neglect for that visual field.  I’ve noticed it in editing.

The endodontist, after reading through my chart and seeing the last dentist’s freak out in the notes about my allergy to palladium (finally, someone who took that seriously), had given me the substances that would be used in a routine root canal to patch test last week (on migraine day).  Four different things, four patches on my back that I slapped on with the help of Mr. Patient on Saturday when he got back from conferencing in Florida.  Less than 24 hours in, one of the patches started feeling like someone was putting out a cigarette on my back.  Sure enough, on Monday when we removed the patches, that area (with hte root canal sealant) was highly positive.  Fluid filled blister positive.  Still hurts, burns, and itches days later positive.  Thank effing god I did that patch test.  

So, between the positive patch test and the big ass snow storm that blew in last night, my day has gone from one full of misery and physical trial to one with nothing on deck except for chilling at home with Mr. Patient and cats, coffee and netflix, and all the food I can eat.  Pretty cool.

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season of sleep-lessness

This past week has not been a banner one for sleep.  I am sleepy.  For the most part, I fall asleep.  Sort of.  And there’s the problem.  I fall into this light napping sort of state that is certainly not awake enough to get me out of bed and onto the couch with a book but not slumbering enough to keep me out.  And when I wake like this, it is inevitable that my bladder, now apparently a misfiring thimble, tells me that hey hey hey hey I’m full time to get up and pee!

The past two nights, I’ve had both stomach pain and nausea as well as intermittent shooting pains in my hips and legs.  And electric shock-like feelings in my arms.  While all of the above suck, the shock feelings in my arms are a new sensation, a new trick.  I know what it is, I know it’s a nerve thing.  I don’t know what’s causing it, something mechanical – i.e. a joint that’s slipped and is pinching (I’ve been having a lot of neck pain during the day while I’m up, so this isn’t an unlikely cause) – or a progression of whatever’s up with my nervous system.  Hoping for the former.  Whatever the cause, I’m definitely in a bad sleep phase right now.

The time change is not going to help.  On the plus side, when the clock says 10:00 PM, it’ll feel like 11:00 to me and hopefully that’ll mean I’ll get sleepy earlier.  On the down side, it means when I wake up wide awake at what my body thinks is 5:00 AM, it’s going to actually be 4:00, and it’s a long day that starts at 4:00 AM when you don’t get home from work until after 7:00 PM most days.

I tried getting out and about, thinking that maybe the daylight would help to put me on a normal rhythm.  Got some nice pictures out of it, but not so much with the sleeping.

color photo close up of a tree branch full of red to yellow shaded autumn leaves

This is the time of year when I should be getting BETTER sleep, with the temperatures falling.  That might be a clue.  While the temperatures fell, and we had some lovely crisp autumn days, they have also been yo-yoing a bit over the last week and a half.  We started out with lovely 50 degree days and then shot back up into the 70s, and now back down to the low 60s.  I know from bitter experience that this does not treat my body well.  E.g. the shooting stabbing joint pains at night are a direct consequence of this.A stone wall in autumn woods at sunset

Went for a short walk yesterday, took some nice pictures of the fall color before the rain came in today.  It’ll probably knock all the leaves down that the windy Halloween night didn’t take out.

Some of this, the stomach stuff, maybe could be helped by eating earlier.  Easier said than done when you have to eat two dinners that don’t start until 7:30 PM though.  I have managed to gain back some weight with the two dinner approach and I really don’t want to abandon it.

But I’m not giving up, just need to think creatively here.  I can start bringing two “lunches” to work and eating one late, before I leave for the day.  More weight for the bag, but that’s what my husband bought me an awesome rolling bag for.  It’s not fashionable, but it’s roomy, lightweight, and water resistant.

Another thing I can do is cut down on the phone screen time before bed.  It hasn’t changed recently, but it may not be helping if I’m already in a light sleep phase.  Well, that’s what a good old fashioned paper book is for.  I’ve got Donna Tartt’s The Secret History.  She had me at “classics department” (in a past life, I was a classics minor at a snooty private liberal arts school in the northeast US).

I am not a toucan

It’s god damned hot again.  As a delightfully vulgar young woman puts it in this viral video, “it is ninety one thousand damned degrees”.  This video is not safe for work (come to think of it, neither is this blog so fuck it) but it is cathartic for those of us suffering in these back to back heat waves.

I have today off.  What to do?  Not much.  Painted my nails.  They are deliciously frosty looking now.

Two medical appointments yesterday.

First appointment:  Didn’t pass out on the “tilt-a-whirl” test, as one of my friends called it.  Did get damned tachycardic though, and damned hypotensive.  And sweaty.  The only time I can sweat now, it seems, is when I’m feeling the faint or in the middle of the night.  Asked how long to get results to my primary care.  This is very relevant since the way this lab/center at BI-BATH works is that you can’t even make an appointment to see the neuropathy doc until (a) you take a ride on the tilt-a-whirl; (b) you have an abnormal ride; (c) they send a report saying that to your referring doc; and (d) your referring doc says “yes, I do want you to see my patient for a consultation please”.  I already had one abnormal tilt-a-whirl test with these guys, but that’s too old apparently.  So how long is “about a week”?  And when I called two weeks ago to start this whole process, they told me the neuropathy doc was booking into October.  How far out will he be booking by the time we get to step (d)?  Simple math will not suffice here, btw.  This is not a simple additive equation.  There are too many variables which are deeply non-linear.  Fuckwidgety.

Second appointment:  PCP to talk about “not negative” results.  They weren’t kidding.  What I had was a screening for anti-neuronal antibodies which are associated with gastroparesis, i.e. autonomic neuropathy.  From what I can tell, these antibodies are prominently associated with paraneoplastic syndrome, meaning some people make them when their immune system confronts a couple of specific kinds of cancer.  Usually early cancer, but not always “good” cancer…like small cell lung cancer. Typically inoperable and a shitty, shitty prognosis.  I’ve spent some time looking to see if these antibodies are associated with other syndromes/causes, you know, NOT cancer.  Some, I think.  I don’t really understand the immunology stuff, and you combine immunology with autonomic neurology and I’m like “?”  Well, got to the appointment and got the results.  They weren’t kidding. They were not negative, but not positive.

  • Quest Anti-Hu AB screen by IFA, abnormal:  fluorescence noted.
    • Reflex Western Blot:  negative.
  • Quest Anti-RI AB screen by IFA, abnormal:  fluorescence noted.
    • Reflex Western Blot:  negative.

See, from what I can tell, the test is a two phase test.  Stage one is IFA, which I think means (?) Immunofluorescence Analysis.  I was positive for both on that, although I thought for those they gave titers, like “we diluted this shit x many times and we still saw something”.  Maybe that only works for ANA and not ANNA.  The next stage is a western blot test, if they see something on the IFA test.  I was negative for both antineuronal antibodies on the western blot.  But, even if I am interpreting that right, what the fuck does it mean clinically?  PCP doesn’t know.  He wants me to see someone who specializes in “inflammatory peripheral neuropathy” which is a fancy way of saying “a specialist who knows about what makes your body’s immune system attack your peripheral nervous system”.  Here’s my really limited breakdown of the results, which may not be correct:  A thing which binds Anti-Hu and Anti-Ri antibodies bound to something in my blood, but a thing which binds ONLY anti-Hu and anti-Ri antibodies did not bind to whatever is in my blood.  

So now we wait for someone to agree to see me before October.  Cheeeeerist.  And meanwhile, at work, HR has decided that we all need to dial back the AC because of the energy usage is too high.  They are sending emails left and right appealing to environmentalism, but I suspect its as much about money (if not more).  Will I go in to work to an 80 degree office?  Who knows?  Maybe.  I read that our HR director is asking building management to make “minor adjustments” to centralized building cooling, but that “Comfort should not be affected to a large degree.”

This is not about comfort for me.  It’s about safety.  To quote the “it’s hot as hell” star,  I did not sign up for this.  I am not tropical.  I’m not a damned toucan.

results, 2

Ok, it’s bugging me now.  I had the weekend without work to distract, got blown off by brother, and hubby was at a conference all day Saturday.  So I think I spent too much alone time with very little to keep my mind off the results I’m waiting for.  Or maybe it’s that this is the start of the week I find out about them.

Every Sunday, evening, I find myself taking a mental inventory of my week.  It’s like balancing your checkbook (anyone remember doing that?) before you go shopping.  How much do I have?  What do I need to get?  How much can I spend on each thing?  Last night, I was doing this, starting to run through my week in my head.  Work from home Monday – find and buy rare out of print book for student who is blind so we can cut and scan it, write to professors who still haven’t sent me their syllabuses (syllabi?), continue cleaning up and formatting books for one student with low vision and articles for student who is completely blind, log all time spent on each task to send to boss to help justify the strangeness of my working from home.  Tuesday – work at work.  Process mailing, hold office coordinator’s hand while she does the mail merge I requested.  Record audio for training video, run speech to text and create captions (ugh, 14 minute video…will have to break into chunks because I know my computer cannot handle this processor-wise).  Nag professors.  Edit.  Leave work for intern. Wednesday.  Wednesday – get up early and don’t eat or drink anything, pass out in a lab, then go see my primary care to find out if I have antineuronal antibodies suggesting paraneoplastic syndrome.  Go home and clean to prep for inlaws coming.  Thursday – vacation!  Clean for inlaws.  Lay on couch.  Friday – work at work.  No appointments.  In law prep done.

This weekend, we had a return to subtropical weather here in New England.  Ugh.  This shit is killing me.  My bp barely got over 90/50 yesterday, lots of dizzies, lots of eighty something over forty something readings on the blood pressure monitor. I really thought it would rain at one point.  The clouds rolled in, the leaves turned over, my head felt like it was going to pop and the air was heavy.  But instead the sky absorbed the nastiness and the sunlight came back, thicker and hotter than it was before.

photo of dark clouds over a street

heavy sky

no sweat

In filling out the mountain of paperwork for the BI-BATH autonomic function center, I thought “gosh, I should pay attention to the sweating” since there were lots of questions about it.  I know I am now consistently waking up drenched in sweat at night.  Change the clothes and put down a towel over the soaked sheet drenched.  But what about outside of that?  I have a vague sense that perhaps I now no longer sweat as much as I used to.  Tough to know though.  I avoid the heat as a general rule, and when I can’t, I usually have other things on my mind like “uuuuunnnnnggggghhhhh, need more blood in brain!” But mother nature has decided to help me out by giving us a heat wave on my vacation.  It’s 95 degrees here in the suburbs of Big Northeastern City and it’s been in the 90s for days, with more to come.  I know, it’s hotter elsewhere in the US even.  But keep in mind that I live in the northeast – in a place where houses and buildings are not designed with sustained high temperatures in mind.  So I got a warm New England house right now.  Because I will pass out from too much heat, we do have an air conditioner in the kitchen.  Carbon footprint be damned!  Seriously though, I do not have a TV in every room, my husband and I carpool to work and I hardly ever drive anywhere now on the weekends, we’re good about other things like not running the washer or dryer unless we have an actual full load of laundry, and we have no kids.  So I figure we’ve got a little carbon credit to spare for HVAC.

However, the kitchen AC is not powerful.  It’s small and older.  We should upgrade but having just bought our massive, mahogany pulping-capable blender, we’re not up for another big ticket item.  Even with the AC on, when it’s 95 degrees outside, and the kitchen catches a full day of direct sunlight (again, New England construction), and you’re running the stove and the range then it’s probably still over 90 in there.  At one point, I look over at my husand and he’s shining with sweat.  Hm.  I feel my forehead.  Dry.  Neck?  Dry.  Back? Dry.  Holy crap.  Underarms?  Backs of knees?  Maybe slightly tacky.  I look at my husband again – who, it should be said, has amazing temperature regulation – and see a bead of sweat rolling down his leg, droplets standing out on his forehead.  “Um, sweetie?  Do I feel dry or sweaty to you?” I ask, because I like to get independent confirmation.  This is not insecurity, it is an awareness than one observation or repeated observations from one observer is not usually a sufficient basis for general conclusions.  He checks, but his hand is damp.  Wipes hands off… Verdict is?  Very very dry.  Creepliy dry.  I guess I have my answer.

 

keeping cool

It’s hot here in the suburbs of Big Old Historic Northeastern City.  Bug sightings are common now and I’m reacting to every stray hair or unexpected touch on my skin with alarm….it only takes seeing one of those nasty centipedes to put me into a heightened bug paranoid state….I’ve seen three in the last week and a half, including one doing the backstroke in the bathroom sink!  The cat has taken to spending her evenings in the kitchen, parking her furry butt in front of the kitchen sink (properly, in front of the cabinet below the sink). It gives her a view of the back door, bathroom, and light colored kitchen floor, where she can chase down and gobble up any of these little nasties that try to scramble across the floor.  I watched her track and nail a mosquito a few nights ago.  She got much praise.

The warm weather brings not just bugs but migraines and a return to the super low blood pressures.  Yesterday morning my BP was 80/56.  Evening wasn’t much better, managed to get it up to 85/59.  The brain does not work well with such low blood pressure, so yesterday was a series of backtracking to retrieve things, redoings, and all around thwartiness.

I bought some more popsicle molds.  I had another set that I got a few years ago but they got used for coffee (mmmmmm) popsicles and they aren’t going to be much use for anything but that now.  These are for fruity creamy popsicles.  Very excited.  Especially since it is impossible to cook in this heat, so it’ll be nice to have some snacks.  Speaking of smoothies, managed to grab a few pictures.

Both super delicious and nice warm weather food. I’m still considering trying the coconut milk ice cream again.  I have pause for two reasons.  One:  high fat content, and that’s not good for gastric emptying.  Two:  I did try coconut milk ice cream treats last summer, they were these chocolate and nut coated things.  I think I was allergic to something in them, so I didn’t eat any more after the first try.  I’m not sure if what I reacted to was in the ice cream or in the coating.  For now, I’m doing ok with my blended low fat lactaid milk and ice.

photo of glass with a shake.

Strawberry banana

photo of glass with shake and straw.

Ginger peach

stupid decisions

I am faced with some, mine and others.  My own include the decision to go on a trip in about a week.  The trip involves plane travel and a lot of time off of work.  Ok, not a ton but for someone who has a lot of sick time use, taking 4  days to just f-off is a lot.  And I am apprehensive about it.  Extra apprehensive since I used a CRAPton of sick time last month due to getting the flu on top of all the usual, day to day stuff my body throws at me.  And hey, here’s a new day to day thing it’s throwing at me.  A new trick.  Severe nausea and upper abdominal pain.  What’s up?  No idea.  Is the liver unhappy from the several weeks of fluconazole?  Is my gallbladder acting up?  I’ve never had gallbladder problems, but why not, right?  It’s a strange nausea, a sort that is relieved by eating and then creeps back in within an hour or so of my eating, ramping up until I find myself checking potential puke receptacles in my immediate area.  I’m telling you, this is some intense nausea.  I’ve had less post-op.

Satellite image of Winter Storm Saturn at 9:45 am EST Friday March 8, 2013.

Nor’easter in the north east? How unexpected!

Why is that relevant to the aforementioned trip?  Because I hadn’t counted on it in my “yeah I think I can do this” estimate for travel.  I hadn’t counted on a new and resource sapping symptom that I’d have to haul around like an oversized carry-on.  And I certainly hadn’t factored it and the week of flu-based sick-time into my equation of “do I have enough time off at work to do this?”

Others’ stupid decisions include work not closing yesterday.  Up here in Big Northeastern City, we had a bit of a nasty storm Thursday night into Friday.  It was predicted to drop 1 to 2 inches of snow, then blow on out to sea.  Instead, it stalled and dumped pile after pile of snow on both Big Northeastern City and Ye Olde New England town where I live…which is just south west of the city and just high enough into the hills that we get about 1.5 times the snow the city and more coastal areas get.  Everything around Big City closed Friday, and consequently few plows were seen, most going by with blades up.  But the Mayor of Big City made his the decision about whether to call a snow emergency based on the forecasts and the current weather reports, which continued to be dead wrong well past the point where a quick look out the window would show anyone just how dead wrong they were.  Hard to rely on a weather report that’s saying “1 to 2 inches of snow” when there is clearly at least 6 inches on the ground already and snow coming down at about an inch an hour.  But rely on it they did, and as goes Big City, so goes my employer.  Eventually, when there was about a foot of snow in Big City and when our Olde New England hill town was cemented in under the shovel breaking burden of well over a foot of heavy wet snow, my employer sent out the usual email, text message, and phone call alert that they would be closing shortly.  Ye Olde New England Town got a total snowfall of just over 29 inches, btw.  Big city has not exactly advertised storm totals, but I’m seeing at least 13 inches.

All Friday morning, I sat here sweating my decision to stay home, to take more of my earned time off after a month full of absences, and a week before I am to go away for a fun and nausea filled “vacation”, from which I may need time off after to recover.  My boss has been tetchy lately, and most recently (Thursday in fact, the day before the big storm) gave me a bit of shit about when and how I can work from home (she has to approve it in advance…all well and good for times when I know in advance that I am not feeling good enough to get and stay at work, but not so great for times when I wake up feeling crappy and can’t manage it but could manage 8 hours at home).  So yesterday, I had to make the unpleasant call of saying “Ok, well we just broke a shovel trying to dig out, it’s still coming down, the road hasn’t been touched, so I am not going to be able to get in today and” because I didn’t have advance notice to ask if I could work at home “I will be taking a personal day.”  And all because the people who had to decide about canceling or limiting business as usual abdicated that responsibility.  Yeah, I said abdicated.  I don’t count yesterday’s “business as usual” approach to a major storm as simply a bad call.  I count it as my employer saying “but the mayor said it’s ok!” and the mayor saying “but the weather forecast said it was ok…” and so on.  Anyone with half a brain and who has lived in Big Northeastern City knows that Nor’easters go bad with some regularity and to stick to a shitty forecast despite clear evidence that the forecast was shitty is not doing your damned job.

The weather here is like my body.  To say that a worse than expected storm is unaddressable (both before and during the fact) is a load of hooey.  Where we live, Nor’easters come.  And sometimes they come, then stall out and just camp over the area, dumping a whole bunch of snow.  While it may be unlikely that this will happen – much like it’s unlikely I will get on my plane and then re-enact the puking scene from The Exorcist – it is possible…and certainly within the realm of somewhat probable outcomes.  So why not plan for the possibility that the storm will be bad?  Or why not at least change plans when it becomes clear that things are worse than expected?

Since this is how I think, I am wondering about my trip.  Do I cancel it?  Do I shorten it?  I will be letting a lot of people down.  But if I go and am sick, it’s going to suck and be full of letting people down anyhow.  And I may end up missing MORE work on the back end when I get home from the trip from hell and am flattened.

I’m stuck with the reality that I am oriented in a vastly different way to trouble than most other people.  I am willing to acknowledge that perhaps I swing a bit far on the limitation side of things, but that is because I absolutely hate getting stuck in that tree (see this post for an explanation of what it means to be “stuck in the tree”).  Do other people just assume that someone will come and save them when they make a dumb decision?  What about when they are deciding for others?  Because for me, I always feel like my decisions about what I  can and can’t do involve others.  They involve my co-workers, my husband, my friends…anyone who I might commit to and then have to reneg on because my body had the equivalent of an unexpectedly stalled Nor’easter.  And while I might be ok with beating up on myself (I’m not usually, but I might be), I am most certainly NOT ok with signing them all up to deal with the consequences.

(Photo credit:  NASA/GSFC.  Satellite image of Winter Storm Saturn at 9:45 am EST Friday March 8, 2013.)

hijacking brunch

I wrote about my little brother’s invitation to brunch.  As it neared, I checked out the restaurant he had chosen.  After we passed on going last weekend, he wrote to me and my husband saying “Ok, next Sunday” and declared that we’d be going to the one with the “FABULOUS” menu.  Here’s what I discovered as a result of my research, between Yelp and a work friend of my husband who has been to the chosen restaurant because it is near where he and his wife live.

  • This place is a favorite for drunk/morning after university students.  Smart students, given where it is, but studenty nonetheless.  
  • Expect to wait in line for over an hour unless you can manage to be there promptly at 9:00 AM (and I don’t eat at 9:00 AM).
  • Waiting in line means standing in line, there is no space for sitting and waiting.  
  • The waitstaff are hipsters and can be a mixed bag in terms of civility and competence.  
  • The bathroom is in the basement, at the bottom of some sketchy stairs, and is often gross (huge thank you to the Yelp reviewer who mentioned this).

This all added up to a big fat no for me.   A recipe for passing out is prolonged standing and waiting to be seated at a restaurant while smelling and thinking about food for my first meal of the day or arriving so early that eating will set off gut cramps and I will have to hobble down the stairs to the gross basement bathroom where I may end up on the gross floor of said gross bathroom, semi-conscious.  blood orange mimosa

I began trying to contact my brother to discuss changing our plans for brunch.  I tried to text and then eventually call him.  I started out mild, with emojis of pandas and guns (that one did get his prompt reply, quoting Girls, “What does that even MEAN?!”) but after sending me random emojis back for about an hour, he went on cell and email silence.

Nothing out of him after Friday.  Saturday night, my husband and I researched other brunch places in Big City nextdoor and found a nice one in a rather recently gentrified part of town where little brother likes to hang out (brownstones, dog parks, classy barber shops offering “hot lather shaves”, and  if you haven’t guessed yet, gay friendly).  They took reservations for brunch (i.e. no line) and so boom, I reserved.  And sent little brother an email/text invite saying “For various reasons, I have hijacked brunch.  We are going to a grown up restaurant for brunch in [the Gay End] at 1:30 PM.  I hope that works!”

Thankfully, it did.  A little last minute wrangling for plans, and little brother showed up a little late, full of high stressy energy, and immediately ordered the blood orange mimosa (oh yes).  Work’s been tough for him.  I worry when things get like this for him.  His health is tenuously good right now, but can go so bad so fast.  Little brother was happy with the choice, although he did explain that the fabulous menu place was full of grad students more than undergrad.  “They’re still dirty and unmannered” I declared, drinking my second cup of delicious, grown up restaurant coffee and using my cloth napkin.  Oh and the restroom at Gay End grown up restaurant?  Lovely.  Just lovely.  Single unit, clean, not full of overpowering chemical air “fresheners”, nice music.

It turned out this change of venue was extra good for me since the massive weather change we are having this weekend kicked off a migraine.  I was ok through brunch, but took a fioricet with my first coffee there since I had that crinkly feeling to my perception that is one of the more subtle migraine prodrome symptoms.  By the time we got home, I was nauseous, tippy, everything was too bright, too loud, and then the pain started.  I don’t always get an actual headache with my migraines.  Yesterday I did.  Lucky me.

barometric pressure and temp Jan 14 to 21

(change (weather)) + (lack of(sleep)) = migraine

I spent about an hour in bed, then made my way to the couch, where my husband and I sat watching a bad Star Trek-athon.  I recall mentioning to him on the way home as the migraine become unmistakably present that had we gone to the studenty place with the fabulous menu, the migraine would have been cresting just as we were eating, and being really thankful that I took the bull by the horns and hijacked brunch.

Migraine 1, dyspatient 0

No sparkling visual effects, not a B.B.M. (big bad migraine) just oversensitivity to light and lingering “shadows” of what I see after I close my eyes.  This would be like the ghost images you get of lights, except it’s everything contrastive.  Dark picture frame on a light wall?  I will see a light square on a dark background when I close my eyes.  A glance at the vertical bars of the cast iron radiator in the living room?  Dark and light bars against the not quite black of a blink.

graph of barometric pressure trends for July in my area, migraine days corresponding with large changes.

red = bad migraine days

The most pronounced feature of the migraine that started last night was the nausea.  Oh god it was a bad one.  And my Zofran was hidden away someplace…my husband had to go on safari looking for it.

Here’s what I don’t get.  The pain.  All the descriptions I read online say migraine pain is usually described as pulsing or throbbing.  Nope.  Try searing, lancing, piercing, impaling.  That’s my migraine pain.  And I don’t always get pain, or pain that’s above a level of just gross discomfort.  What I do always get is a feeling of having my head broken into a million pieces, thought is not an option.  Sensations that should be peripheral and background become so prominent that they take over my senses and I want to shut down.  Last night, speech was difficult.  The thought of the sound of my voice, of organizing my muscles to move in a coordinated way made me feel sick.  It was like I’d been filled with heavy lava instead of blood, muscle, sinew, and bone.  It was exactly like that.

I am so sick of migraines.  This is why I despise the summer.  Really any time the pressure is jumping around like this can be bad.  We’ve had some thunder storms in the winter now that have screwed me up good (thunder snow?  thunderblizzard?  Anyone who thinks the climate isn’t changing should consider this.  We have no word for thunderstorms where the precipitation is not rain and hail but snow (and maybe some hail), but where “snow” must be made clear because thunderstorms historically happen when it is not cold enough for snow).

Today is forecast to be hotter than yesterday, storms predicted for tomorrow.  Until this breaks, and until the storm that is waiting in the wings makes its grand appearance on stage, I am stuck in this pattern.  I guess no big plans for me today.

Moody

This is how I’m feeling.  I was doing well until a low blood sugar – yeah, I gotta get this under control.  The problem is eating in the morning really kicks up the gut symptoms, but not eating in the morning is making me crash in the afternoon.  My husband made food for the both of us, very nice, and I’d have liked to have been nice in return but instead I was just cranky.  I did an ok job of keeping it in check but I still feel bad for being cranky.

The exceptionally crankiness has passed.  Replaced now by chagrin at having been cranky instead of grateful, and a growing frustration that I can’t zip around the house doing all that I want to do because it is hot and there’s a storm looming, which means I have storm head – but I have things I want and need to do.  Gah.

Well, at least there’s a reason for feeling crappy (physically).  I’ll try to keep that in mind.  And let myself off the hook a bit here because the self recrimination is not helping.