a little better yesterday, not sure yet about today

Yesterday, I woke up stressy but managed to get through the day without an ativan.  My general rule is retching from anxiety or too much nausea from general awful GI issues = ativan.  Although right now I’m trying to struggle through the nausea without taking any since I worry that I am having rebound anxiety.  I had tried not taking any benadryl the night before, to see if maybe the benadryl was having some sort of rebound effect in the AM.

It kept creeping up on me yesterday, and I managed to dodge it pretty well.  Either doing deep breathing (not convinced that helps…or that I’m doing it right) or keeping busy.  I took a walk in the AM before it got hot.  Not a long or fast walk, and there were lots of rest breaks on the way, but I wanted to try something new.  I busied my way right into two hours of pain, dizziness, and intense fatigue though by overdoing it cleaning the bathroom.  I went out with my husband to the mall and bed and bath to look for shirts for him (not a lot of luck) and juice containers for me (just bought a juicer).  I was ok in the stores, but riding in the car, between stores and on the way home, I was having anxiety again.

Last night, by a few hours before bedtime I was feeling fine anxiety-wise.  I was not feeling fine gut and headache-wise but, well, at least it wasn’t everything.  I didn’t take any benadryl again, so we’ll see how that goes today.  I woke up stressy as hell today, but did the deep breathing in bed.  I managed to work my way down after doing that for what felt like forever.  And I even got up before my husband today, which is something I haven’t done practically since this started.

My juicer came yesterday.  I’m excited to try, slowly, some juice today. I was going to start with watermelon, very watered down watermelon.

Fall food, part 2

The cake was a hit.  Mr. Patient made blackberry coulis, a variation on the recipe here.  Variation because Mr. Patient and I are very bad about our quantities.  We just kind of cook by eye, nose, and taste.  Looks, smells, and tastes right?  It’s right!  I made a spiced peach puree.  A super simple recipe that I’ll post below – and quite tasty….if you like peach.  I was informed by my brother that peach, along with cinnamon is a “dirty flavor”.  It’s not bad, but it’s not fresh, was his reasoning.  Well then apparently I like “dirty” flavors, because I really liked this peach puree and the bright sweetness was a nice counterpoint to the tart and complex blackberry sauce.

Spiced peach puree:

Again, quantities are rough estimates (except for the peaches, on account of packaging).

4 cups of diced peaches, strained.  You can probably use frozen or fresh too but I find the cups of diced peaches are better in terms of softness (or absence) of peel.

1 – 2 Tbsp of cinnamon

2 dashes of ground ginger

1/4 cup of white sugar

Place all ingredients in a blender or food processor.  Blend thoroughly and chill.

In the photo immediately below, the peach puree is to the left of the cake slice.  The right of the cake has the lemon icing, and then laid on that and to the right is the blackberry.  I probably would just do one if I were doing it again, but I had to try it all since this was a new set of foods for me.  The blackberry is too dark to really discern but the color was a deep red, so that plus the cake and peaches made for a really nice set of Fall colors.  Below the cake picture is a shot of the pumpkin pudding, the pumpkin pudding recipe is here.  I made another batch yesterday AM before going out with my brother on our birthday shopping trip.  Consider it “queer eye for Dyspatient”, it was my birthday present from him, a shopping trip to a store that there’s no way in hell I would have gotten myself to because after parking and walking and shopping, I would not have had the energy to get home.  Success, I scored a couple of nice additions to the wardrobe, including two very nice, lightweight cardigans that will convert my yearlong summer wardrobe into something more seasonally appropriate.  With heat intolerance comes a whole slew of clothing constraints, a major one being sleeveless or short sleeved tops are now a necessity.  I’m pretty tired though.  Woke up today with a bit of hurting.  My “little” brother is 6’4″ so even walking slow, it’s hard for him to walk at my snail’s pace (I’m 5’4″), and the faster I walk, the harder I come down on the hips and legs.

angel food cake with peach puree and blackberry sauce


Whisky pumpkin into pudding base in a stovetop saucepan.
And pumpkin pudding!


I do believe I’ve ranted about this before.  Probably every season change.  Clothes.  I have a love/hate relationship with them.  I hate shopping, I love new clothes.  Currently, my new wardrobe acquisitions are limited to work clothes, which means I have a serious paucity of casual wear that I like.  Or that fits.

Fitting is the other issue, a newer one that overlies the life long hatred of shopping.  I gain and lose several clothing sizes every year.  Each time I think I’ve stabilized, up or down my weight goes.  It is extremely frustrating.  It leads to having a constant surplus of clothing that I can’t exactly retire since I might grow or shrink into again.  And if I give it away, then when I do change sizes, I will have to shop again.  Ugh.

I have never been able to bear tightness in waistbands, but I also don’t like to dress like I’m wearing a potato sack.  This adds another layer of complexity to choosing clothing.

Still more is added by my screwy physiological thermostat.  This has implications for whole outfits, but it also specifically bans leggings, tights or waist high hose.  So skirts have to come down low enough for me to wear knee highs with them.  It also has significant implications for my shoe choices.  (btw, I just spelled “shoe” as “shew”, then thought, no, that’s not right.  Fixed it, and now “shoe” looks absurd.  Clearly I need more coffee).  Because of the overheating, no shoes that enclose too much of my foot.  My toes dislocate on their own and one has done it so much that it now just pushes in towards the big toe to the extent that if I don’t wear a silicone sheath on it when I walk, I will step on my own toe.  I’ve never been one for pointy toed or very high heels so this toe migration did not come about from a poor choice of footwear, but now in addition to wearing shoes with a wide toe (which I’m fine with), I have to wear ones that are not too “shallow” and I can wear no heels whatsoever (which sucks).