from bad to worse

I had to cut my visit with my friend short yesterday on account of intense nausea.

Not to mention anxiety.  it’s not as bad as it was, but it’s creeping up and that disturbs me.  I know this is triggered by the difficulties managing my GI symptoms and diet, and the concerns about having to wait so long to see someone new.  I tell myself that I can hang on, that I’m strong, and that it’ll get better but it’s hard.

I called the potential new GI back yesterday (through nausea-gritted teeth) and asked if they had a cancellation list.  No, they told me, but it’s ok to call every morning and see if there have been any cancellations that day.  “Are you sure I won’t be a major pain in your ass if I do that?” I asked.  They assured me that I would not.

I didn’t call today because it’s supposed to be ungodly hot out today and I need to rest from yesterday.  I decided today will be a rest, rehydrate, and try to “eat” more than 600 calories.  I set my phone timer so that I can drink a half a shake every hour, if I keep it up I should get in about 4 shakes today (I have to stop “eating” by 6:30 or the reflux is terrible).

But tomorrow,  I am going to call.  I printed out my reports, I have my hopefully soon to be former GI doctor’s notes from last year (not from this year but I can get them if the new guy wants to take me on as a patient).  I feel like so much is at stake here.  At the urging of an online friend from a patient forum over at Inspire, I tried looking into the motility specialist at another of the B.A.T.H.s in town.  Well, actually what I did was call my insurance to see what I would be charged if I saw someone at the other BATH that is out of my “preferred network” (more on that in a sec) and found out that for pretty much every procedure a GI doctor would do, I would have to pay $150.  Only an ultrasound, plain x-ray, and lab testing would involve no out of pocket costs.  So endoscopy?  $150.  Ph testing?  $150.  Esophageal manometry?  $150.  Great.  I can’t afford that.

I have “good” insurance.  If my current GI doctor did any of these tests, I would have no out of pocket costs.  That’s because my current GI doctor is in the “preferred network”.  The “preferred network” exists because my insurance is through my husband’s employer, which happens to be a monster health network that comprises two of the better known BATHs in the city and several smaller hospitals to the north and west of the city (but not to the south, oh no….never down here.  The proximal southern suburbs of the big old historic city are not wealthy like the proximal western suburbs – as for the north, I’m not sure what that’s about but the monster health network managed to worm their way in up there but not down here).  Anyhow, my husband is a researcher in a lab that is part of one of the hospitals in the monster health network, and as such, he can only choose an insurance plan that has this “preferred network” shit, where you pay a lot less for going to doctors and facilities in the monster health network.

Sounds just fine, although certainly nicer if you don’t live south of the city, except that I have to see what I call “very special specialists”, and these are hard to find.  Some of them just don’t exist in the monster health network, for example, they have no autonomic neurologists in their network. They had one guy who was just starting out, but his mother got sick and he took an indefinite leave to take care of her.  The monster health network has exactly TWO motilty specialists, both at the same practice.  I see one (my current and hopefully soon to be former GI doctor), and have tried to transfer to the other but was denied that privilege by the office management.

Which leaves me very much shut out of getting the help I need.

I woke up this morning with the anxious chatter in my head again.  This is the second day of that, I hadn’t had this for a few weeks and I really thought it was over.  But I guess not. I think for a while, I’m just going to be extra susceptible to excessive anxiety during stress.  Unfortunate, to say the least.

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