Last night

Bad days these days.  Bad stuff at work since April 3.  I may not be employed much longer.  I almost passed out Saturday night.  At least I had a day to recover, this is what I think now when things like this happen.  Not “oh no my weekend is ruined”.  Nah.  That ship has sailed.  I had a rough night last night.  I fell asleep at 10:00 and woke up early, sure it was at least 4:30 AM but it was 12:14 AM.  An hour later, I fell back asleep but had horrible dreams.  So sometimes I write, I don’t know that I’d call it poetry because that sounds pretty lofty.  It’s more abstract prose.  It helps sometimes when what is going on is hard to talk about.

Last night was an April night.

From school, I remember April is rain.  March is kites.  May is weddings, or flowers…

Last night was an April night and the rain fell and the wind rattled the door

which was shut, just not tight.  All night, too loose these days, it rattled around in its frame.

Last night was an April night and the rain fell and the wind rattled the door and I dreamt of biting kittens.

I wanted to swat them off, they hurt so much like needles in my hands when I tried to remove their teeth and claws from me but I didn’t want to crush them.  I was so worried I would crush them, and I  cried out but there was no help.

Last night was an April night and the rain fell and the wind rattled the door and I dreamt of biting kittens I might crush and there was no help.

I woke up screaming.

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3 Comments

  1. Well, I got your post so I guess I still have one foot left in WP.

    I’m sorry, D. I know how important working is to you because I’ve been where you are–just very early into EDS. I feel like I’m getting sicker by the day like you and I don’t know if it’s the EDS or something else and who to ask? This all just sucks. It really is the stuff of nightmares: this body that is killing us that we see as a traitor yet feel sorry for at the same time because it’s screaming for help, too. I can relate to the dream.

    Hang in there…

    Reply
    • 🙂 there you are. That makes me smile.

      The rest not so much. It is nightmarish.

      Reply
      • I know. It’s like we entered some Twilight Zone and can’t get out. What kind of a life is this?

        I’m always here (somewhere) unless the premonition comes true. :/ Never one for fair weather. Well, my body would disagree on that one, but you know what I mean. 😀

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