guts for garters

That is one of those phrases that is, if you stop and think about it, quite awful.  It is also one that pops into my head when my guts start spasming.  As they are now.  What prompted today’s trick?  It could be that I ate breakfast (how dare I?!).  Apparently that is still forbidden, eating before 11:00 AM.  It could be work stress.  I just was put on notice yesterday that the departmental staff appreciation dinner is in June (a very ill timed day in June) and that we are ALL expected to go.

Go and do what?  Go and watch other people eat while my window of being able to eat anything trickles away?  Go and stay out and up late on a Monday, the start of a week and a particular Monday that happens to be the day before a conference I have to go to half-way across the state?  Go and not drink but watch other people drink and get drunk, and socialize with each other but not with me  because I’ve been judged to be not a team player?

Golly.  Why not.

So my guts are in an uproar.  And so a work at home day has turned into a day on the couch.  I refuse to feel bad about this.  As soon as I finish this post (while I wait for my yummy magnesium powder drink to cool off enough to gulp down), I’m changing into my jammies, rounding up my kitties, and flopping on the couch with a heating pad and some netflix.  There’s my employee appreciation.  And they can have my guts for garters, for all the good it’ll do them.

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  1. I feel that way a lot in general. I describe it as watching the world from outside the window if that makes sense. It’s like all the normal people are inside doing normal things, and there I am just watching it all (with the crap vision now). I had that exact experience today, but in a different way. So, there’s a Trader Joe’s (if you have those) near that doc I saw and I needed a couple of things that are actually cheaper than Wally World. My doc is also 45 mins. away in a much nicer part of town that is predominately white, which is kinda weird out here. I got in line and Mr. and Ms. Perfect Couple were in front of me in their super stylish and pricey athletic gear and you could tell they worked out all the time like I used to. Then they were in the parking lot putting loads of groceries into their luxury car. I felt like I was outside of the window and just wanted to scream, “I used to be like you before I got sick!” Well, minus the luxury car. I think that aside from the pain and yada yada, this is why I’ll never accept what happened to me because I was once inside the window.

    Btw, magnesium about kills me if I’m not careful–it’s like a laxative so food for thought.

    I also had to look up the title of your post! I suck at idioms and if I try to use one, I screw it up. I once said something about beating a dead dog (horse). Haha! Hope your guts calm down–my guts had a life or their own over that smartphone so it could be stress. If you ever switch jobs, find out exactly how many “events” they have a year. I’ve never heard of such a thing!

    • The phrase is a bit outdated, and I think more british than american, so it’s not a super high frequency one. Just one that stuck when I read it and heard it.

      Oh I know magnesium is a laxative. That’s a big part of why I take it. The gastroparesis pretty much shut everything down. Very disturbing how the body can swing from one pathological end of the spectrum to the other just like that. In general, this state is less immediately disruptive than the former…but more likely to land me in the hospital if I get an obstruction. So, yay magnesium.

      I think when this job is over for me, so is work. At least work outside the home. This is why I’m sticking with it as hard as I am.

      Oh Trader Joes. So many things there that give me that feeling. Gingersnaps. Sesame sticks. The list goes on but those are the two big offenders.

      • Oh no, sorry to bring up Trader Joe’s! I have a love/hate relationship because I, too, used to be able to eat so many things there and now walk out with 3 things or so. Booo! Then, I tend to hate everyone in the store with good guts and no crazy food allergies. Btw, your phrase is from the Brits, so I blame being Jewish from the Pacific NW. Haha.

        Got ya on the magnesium. For some reason I thought you were slow in the upper GI and fast in the lower GI still. So, go magnesium! I take it, but very carefully, It’s supposed to be good for EDSers (why?) and for myofascial pain, but I never notice a difference.

        I hope you can always work. I know I literally couldn’t due to the pain, but my life has just gone down the toilet since I had my last part-time job years ago. You lose who you are in so many ways and I don’t know how to get that back. So, keep hanging in there…

      • I know, this is why I stay. It’s also knowledge that I use to get my head in a better space about the indignities of being employed and having a chronic illness. It’s sort of like a “I will enjoy and embrace the enjoyable things about this while I can” attitude. It helps. On the plus side, what I do, I can do from home and there is demand for. I have publishers who ask me if I will consult with them on accessibility of their products – so possibly if i had to quit the 9 to 5 office grind because I can’t attend social events and the stress of being harassed about it is too much, I could still do some independent work. I don’t hang my hat on that, but it’s something.

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