hot foot

I’ve posted before about the hot hands, with pictures even.  This happens with my feet too.  So much so that at one point during my interview for the new job, I HAD to take off my shoes.  I mean had to.  It felt like my feet were on fire and were just going to pop.  This in combination with the badness that can happen to my feet has brought me to a point where I am finally going to break down and get some damned open toe shoes.

I am not a fan of open toe shoes.  I recall seeing a hospital staff member (in radiology I think) wearing them once in recent years and thinking “are you fucking crazy?”  My memories of working in a hospital include coming across the occasional puddle of something on the floor.  Yes, they get cleaned up but usually only after a staff member encounters them.  If that staff member’s encounter involves traipsing through the mystery fluid in open toe shoes, well, “ewww” only about half covers it.

very uncomfortable looking shoe saturated with flame color because they are evil.

EVIL!

Since, oh jeez, about 2002, it has seemed that women’s summer shoes are dominated by open toes.  I have not been on board with this trend.  I kept hoping it would pass.  I don’t love my toes, less so now that the “ring finger” toe on my right foot has decided to curl up and hide under the middle toe.  The foot doc I saw about that gave me a lecture on shoe types, that I should wear wide toe shoes and avoid heels.  She did this while I was in her office with what essentially look like clown shoes on…I do NOT wear narrow toed shoes and I haven’t worn heels of any height since before Lyme Disease and the joint pains that now are a daily part of my life.  Didn’t matter to her, what mattered was that my toes looked like they belonged to someone who wore evil stiletto heels therefore I must wear evil stiletto heels.  Couldn’t be part of the systemic thing that is wrong with me, you know, that connective tissue thing that my body has spent most of my life declaring to greater or lesser degrees and which I was well trained at explaining away:

  • “Mommy, my legs hurt” “It’s growing pains”
  • “Mommy, I twisted my ankle, again” “You just have loose ligaments”
  • “Mommy, I have a rash” “Let’s see (pulls out medical book with eye-wateringly horrible rashes on children and old people)…now (flips through pages with book open on her lap so I  can see) THAT’S smallpox, and THAT’S impetego…”
  • “Doctor, my hip hurts” (Doctor has me lay down and snaps my leg around like Indiana Jones wielding his whip) “You have hypermobile joints.  It’s a normal variant, but it can cause some wear and tear on the joint.  I’m giving you a PT consult”.
  • “Physical therapist, my ankle hurts now that you’ve had me doing all these exercises that involve using it as a pivot” “Well it shouldn’t hurt, we really aren’t doing THAT much”
  • Etc.

Wide open toe or not, it seems my toes are feeling the wanderlust and deviating from where they should be.  This is giving me an increasingly snaggle-toed effect.  On my already unlovely feet.  I don’t have cute little toes on a dainty little foot.  I have long, creepy toes on a long narrow boney foot.  Hence, I do not feel they should be highlighted when I am dressing to impress, which includes dressing for work.  Add this to my feelings about open toe shoes in general (which, to quote the fictional Archchancellor Ridcully, I would comfortably describe as “unhygienic”) and you get some serious avoidance of the shoe type.  However, I can’t keep taking my shoes off at work.  These feet need air, to help prevent the “badness” and to keep them from feeling like a nuclear reactor melting down.

And so it is off to the nail salon to try to put a nice shine on the snaggle-toed monkey feet, then off to the shoe store to check out some open toe sandals that I don’t feel silly, ugly, or naked wearing.

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