don’t go there

I have an appointment with a new GI doctor today, at the urging of my primary care.  This is one of the two he recommended.  In preparation for this appointment, I gathered up my GI procedure notes and reports, which lead me to have to look in the binder, the one with the doctors’ notes in it.  I should just shred this, because it is chock full o’misery.  I’ve started scanning my record but I hadn’t gotten the various endoscopy stuff done, some of which I couldn’t find at first and so I started looking all over, including in that horrible binder.  It always gets me down, seeing the incorrect stuff “patient reports no symptoms since last visit” in the GI notes – a load of horseshit, I was seeing them for chronic diarrhea and when I say “chronic” I mean CHRONIC; “I spent 50% of appointment counseling patient” Oh boo fucking hoo, he spent 50% of time counseling patient because he was offering only an addictive pain medication and a med that would increase my appetite, which was never an issue, to “resolve” the massive weight loss from CHRONIC diarrhea and the post prandial pain.  With that doctor, the medication I eventually ended up on was one I recommended to my primary care, and which she prescribed – elavil.  I had found out that it was used for IBS-D and for chronic migraines so I asked about it.  And it helped.  Didn’t fix it all, but I gained weight back and even when I’ve lost it when the diarrhea went through periods of exacerbation, between the elavil and the levsin (no longer available, btw) I didn’t lose as much as I had that first year and a half in 2004-2005 when this all started.  But that GI doctor (and the neurologist I was seeing at the time) took credit for suggesting the medication.  Fucking asshole.

And this is a bad thing to be considering going in to my first appointment with the new GI doctor.  That plus the fact that the surgeon’s office still hasn’t called on the ultrasound results = me in a mood.  Less bad than Friday but I can sense that hard little ball of pissed off, frustrated, and deep dark despair knotted up in my psyche like a hornets’ nest just waiting to be poked.

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  1. R. G. Maines

     /  April 24, 2011

    Oh, don’t you just love physician’s notes? I had one once that wrote, “patient is unusually ‘giddy’ upon first encounter.” The nurse was someone I had worked with once and hadn’t seen in years. We’d been talking and I was trying to keep from falling to pieces at the intensity of the migraine I had. I reminded her of something we’d experienced in that previous job and we were laughing. I guess that’s ‘unusually giddy’??

    • I had someone write “giddy” on mine when I came in with a fever and felt nauseous, shaky, and dizzy. She interpreted “shaky” as “giddy” because believe me, my affect was NOT anything you’d classify as energetic.


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