Some days

It’s beautiful out.  I haven’t been outside yet but the sun is shining and the birds are singing and the weather service says the high is about 49 – a perfect temp for my overheating, migraine with vertigo, hand, foot, face and ear flushing body.

So why the hell am I in such a rotten mood?

I think it’s because of yesterday.  I think it’s because I took time off of work twice now this past month to get this persisting pain checked out and it’s not resolved.  And it’s not the lack of resolution alone that is, I think, putting me in such a foul mood.  It’s the anticipation of the doctor’s response.  It’s waiting for that phone call or worse waiting for them not to call and for me to get irritated enough to call them when I’ll be told that because the test they ordered didn’t show anything, I’m fine.

Breaking this down, it’s not fine when told I’m fine and it’s missing parts of my life to deal with a thing that makes me miss parts of my life and feeling like the doctors fail to respect that in many little and big ways.  

So that’s probably why I’m in a shitty mood.  Add to it that my dentist’s office has been pissing me off with a couple of poorly conceived office and billing practices (the latter I tried to deal with for the second time today only to be given a serious run around) and I’m in a boil over mood at the moment, despite having four days off for totally non-medical reasons (took a vacation day today and Monday’s a holiday) and despite the fact that the sun is shining and the birds are singing and it’s the just right temperature for my day not to suck.

I need to shake this mood.  I think a trip to the beach might be in order.

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  1. THIS IS A NOTE–DELETE!!!!!!!!
    Hey D,

    Found a post w/no comments just in case. I believe you took your vacation to CA (no posts), but just want you to know I’m thinking of you as It’s a hair obvious where you are in the world (secret is safe with me–you probably figured me out so no worries!) and I’m watching CNN live in the middle of the night with the latest shit in Boston and HOLY CRAP. I just hope if you are home, you are safe and don’t live in this suburb that is under siege tonight. Jesus Christ! I’m so sick of this and living in this country in general. I’ve been thinking about you since the marathon and this crap freaks me out, even if I’m in the Western US. I can only imagine it’s like my PTSD and you are looking over your shoulder every 5 seconds now. Don’t worry, if you post again, mum’s the word on my end. Look at what happened to my blog from alluding to 1 stupid thing.

    Well, I don’t know what will happen with my blog (can’t fucking believe this!), but I’ve had a draft sitting for weeks (prior to the nightmare) and will post soon and see if anyone shows up aside from the bigots spying on me now. If not, I’m heading to Inspire or some forum to help others and calling it a day I think, so wanted to get this note to you since my damn, public e-mail doesn’t seem to work (the Gmail). I am a very loyal person and prefer real relationships over this blogging crap, but I know the drill, so this is my way of keeping it real. No need to reply or confirm anything–my intention is just to let you know I consider you a friend, even if online, and my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. 😦

    Hugs, Alisa (who now goes only by A… Sigh)


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