It’s two days until surgery.  So far, most of my anxiety has manifested about other things.  However, surgery enters my dreams.  Last night, I dreamed about a bad bowel prep – I started it too late and was at the hospital the morning of the surgery thinking “what the hell was I thinking?!”

This morning, I’m preparing to go to work for the first of the last two days pre-pre-op.  My boss will be in today and I suspect she’ll have some annoying crap waiting for me.  This is her tendency.  Most stuff is ready to go – a few last minute details that had to wait until the last minute will be occupying my time today and tomorrow and then I’m off to be cut into and cut out of.  It’s a creepy feeling – surgery is an assault on the body, it’s just a very controlled assault.

This weekend, my siblings have been silent.  My sister invited herself over with a somewhat cranky imperative on Friday.  She had left a lot of stuff here last week after christmas.  “I really need to come get my stuff” she told me Thursday night.  I invited her to come over on Sunday.  Instead, Friday I got several increasingly irritated texts and phone messages from her (I had forgotten to turn on my ringer so I got them all at once), the last of which said “I’m down the street and I really NEED my stuff”  So she came over.  Surgery came up as an afterthought: “oh that’s right, when is that again?  Wednesday?”  Yes.  “So you’re staying the night Wednesday to Thursday?”  Yes.  And that was that.  No offer of help or asking my husband to call her post-op with an update.  Nothing.

Little brother replied to my new year’s eve text Saturday AM with a “happy new year to you too, how’s the cat?” and that was all I heard from him.  Also no requests for information or offer to help out, although at least he had stated in the last month that he would be available if we needed him.

I think the two of them are just too freaked out by me getting sick or being infirm.  That’s my theory at least.  I do wish they’d grow up a little bit though.

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