I know this is just run of the mill bitchin’ and moanin’, but holy crap my boob feels like it’s gonna blow off my chest!  Having gone my whole nearly 40 years of life without a painful boob cyst, in the last 3 months, they have blossomed like some sort of bastard weed.  They take turns.  First it was the left, then the right, now the left again.  Worst part is remembering not to groan and clutch at them in public.  I’m guessing that wouldn’t go over well at work.

I had been cutting back on caffeine until a two day stretch of (what I now know were) PVCs prompted an NP at my (former) primary’s office to say “well maybe you got those because you reduced your caffeine intake…”  Not that I believed her.  I mean, this was clearly reaching.  First she asked if I increased caffeine or drank a lot, because that can cause PVCs, she said.  Nope, I told her, I decreased it because of those damned painful boob cysts.  That was when she said the thing about decreasing caffeine and PVCs.  I’m habitually mightily suspicious of that sort of rapid, immediate contradiction in pretty much all spheres of my life.  I make no exception for the NP.  Oh and anyhow, after cutting back and (related or not) getting the run of PVCs, I still had the boob pain next period so I decided fuck it, I may as well be caffeinated and in pain rather than just in pain.

GaaaAh!  I’m wondering if it’s going to erupt and an alien is going to come out.  I’ve had worse pain but seriously, more?  More pain?  I needed more?

It’s bad enough that I’m gonna stop typing.  Hot or cold?  Which is it that you use for boob pain?  Already taking a crapton of NSAID for the cramps so I guess I gotta get less pharmacological and more mechanical on this.

Fucking body.  Body, you suck.

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  1. R. G. Maines

     /  June 5, 2010

    I’m so glad you found my blog and in turn, led me here to your blog. Oh boy, can I relate!

    I have very cystic breasts, so much so that my physician goes lunatic every time she does a breast exam and sends me for an “Immediate Mammogram”. Every time I’m told the lumps are cysts of varying shape and size.

    I get that terrible ‘boob pain’ too. I can’t stand to even have a bra on or my clothes touching it, so worrying about clutching or moaning in public isn’t a concern, seeing as how I often resort to resting on the bed topless. LOL

    Of course, right away, well meaning people (or at least I think they are well meaning, I may be giving them more credit than they deserve) start directing me to urgently see my doctor, have a mammogram done, be careful, don’t take a chance.

    I don’t think ‘increasing one’s stress’ is an adequate treatment option for reducing pain.

    It’s good to know I’m not the only person dealing with this and it truly is cyst related.

    I’m glad we have found each other. I’ll be back to check out more of your blogs when things calm down here a bit.

    ((Hugs)) Robin

    • Hi Robin, yes, I am very happy I found your blog! Sorry to hear you’ve had the run around with cysts for so long. For me, these just started – really, they started when I had the mirena (hormone releasing IUD) out. So my guess is they’re a side effect of the hormone hokey-pokey. Having the mirena in made my tendency for ovarian cysts worse – this probably shouldn’t surprise me.

      There are several things I do in the name of stress release that I probably shouldn’t (smoking, caffeine) but honestly, some days it feels like it’s that or risk an assault charge. (jk, sorta)

  2. R. G. Maines

     /  June 6, 2010

    I’m wondering, having read this, if perhaps the hormone therapy they treated me with isn’t the cause of my cysts.

    I found out after 13 years of trying to have children and being unsuccessful, that my body has never made progesterone, necessary for ovulation. The genius of an OB/GYN that I saw decided to put me on synthetic progesterone. At first it regulated my cycle, then it stopped my cycle all together and I was finally taken off of it when it was decided that the risks of taking it out-weighed any possible benefit.

    It wasn’t until after this treatment that my breasts were found to be cystic. Curious.

    Finding my blog right now may not prove to be a good thing… as I’m going through a lot of emotional crap that’s more or less hijacked my blogging for now, but I hope we can share with one another, maybe work through our ‘stuff’ together. 🙂

  3. queenofoptimism

     /  June 8, 2010

    I have a request dear dyspatient. For those of us who do not have breast cysts that we are aware of (Though I do get what I call Boo Bacne, get it..boob acne…that I treat with liquid Vitamin e and it works well!) Anyway.. I don’t know some of the abbreviations you are using and would like to know. Can you do a glossary or something??

    hugs and lots of caring thoughts,

  4. queenofoptimism

     /  June 8, 2010

    PS, I’m mad at your body, too. And am always interested in your posts even if you feel like it’s bitchin’ and moning, I don’t. I hate that your boobs put you in so much pain. I can’t imagine. It sucks.

  5. Oops, PVC is “premature ventricular contraction”. I was having them in runs of 3 or so every few minutes for about two days. God damned bothersome. Feels like your heart is going in reverse for about 4 to 6 seconds. Then it passes.

    I’ll link things like that. BATH is just my acronym for big ass teaching hospital. I should make a glossary. I like it.


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